The Babysitters Club

An unexpected gift after separation

Looking after children is a relentless gig. Kids get sick. There is worry and responsibility. Am I doing a good job as a guardian? How are they going to turn out? Are they eating enough good food? Are their friends good influences or are they going to be vaping in the toilets? It's natural as a parent to take on 100% responsibility for how your children turn out, but I think I have hit the perfect, accidental and best of all, free solution to parenting. It's called the Babysitters Club and it's an unintended benefit that I have received from the privilege of going through a marital separation.

The ex-wifes new boyfriend (well, a year probably constitutes an established partnership now) has invited my family to live with him. I don't know the guy from a bag of shit. I reached out to my ex in January asking that she should pass on his number so we could have a chat after he called my eldest son an asshole. I'm yet to hear from him. That's probably a fair reflection on the value system he operates under so not necessarily the kind of guy I need to meet or allocate any time to.

I often ponder what kind of a man is attracted to a married woman approaching forty with three kids? Is he a saint that loves children? Is he more of a Rolf Harris type saint that loves children? Who knows. In the modern manosphere words like 'cucks' and 'simps' are used to describe men who bend over backwards in the pursuit of the nearest female availing themselves. This could be applicable to the situation too.

My personal theory that I've arrived at? The guy is the ultimate babysitter. He works for free and while he hasn't met me and obviously doesn't want to... he works for me. Every time he picks the boys up from sports practice - he’s working for me. If he does their laundry - he’s my Mary Poppins. Whenever he pops to the shops for milk for the clan - thank you my manny (male nanny).

What are some other theories to explain this rise in men keen to look after some Socks? (SOCKs is an Aussie comical saying meaning light-heartedly: Some Other C!#ts Kids) Modern movies such as Blended starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore paint a picture of harmony eventually established in a blended family with the stepdad painted as a more caring dad than the real dad as portrayed in the film. Maybe my babysitter watched this film at a point in time and thought “I could be that Adam Sandler guy”.

One question I sometimes ponder is what becomes of the step-parent dynamic if the relationship ends? Does the step-parent check in from time to time with the step kids, or former step kids? Word from local circles (gossip) tells me that my sons new babysitter housed a girlfriend and her kids last year. They were living with him too for a time, before being kicked out and replaced by my crew. I guess if the adage is more is better, then more different families living in your house is the best.

I recently went to a concert and organised and paid for a babysitter to look after my lads for five hours. It cost me over $150. The stepdad babysitter doesn't cost me a cent. Not only did he take a disloyal wife off my hands, he houses and looks after my sons. I can only be grateful that there are adorable, yet gullible men out there, who are willing to act as cuckoos and help out society.

The last piece of great news is within a few months or maybe after a 'surprise' pregnancy, the babysitter will be donating half his assets to my ex wife and by default, my boys. Everybody wins and everybody is happy. Especially me. Just sitting here saying cheers to the advantages of an inherited free babysitter. Long live the Babysitters Club.